on perfectly tortured, absolutely messy, yet beautiful girly rockstars
oh to b the girl w the most cake
a lil late but.. happy new year….! im not going to give u a list of ins n outs, even tho i thought abt it, bc there’s already 1000000s of those online n obvi im original…!
in: gatekeeping my super cool one in a million ideas
out: trend forecasting
HOWEVER, there is one (1) thing that was IN for 2022 n will stay IN for 2023. n probably forever after that, which is: The Girl Who Rocks.1
in nov of last year, i — along w every slightly alt girl n their white indie boyf in nyc — saw pretty sick at bowery ballroom. it was their homecoming show as well as the near end of their mini tour. it was a day to celebrate. n sickysab did.
the vocalist n lead bassist appeared on stage in vampire-esque makeup. n also absolutely shitfaced. sabrina tripped on her red pumps before taking them off. she sang off-key n poured champagne all over herself. she yelled i loooooooove newwwwww yorrrrrrrrrk citaaaaaaaay n apologized for being too drunk. she ended the night falling into a sea of fangirls.
but let me get this straight — im NOT writing this to criticize her.2 shit, if i was the icon of a LES grunge band ending the yearn for 90s garage rock, i would’ve done the exact same thing. i bet if U were the icon of a LES grunge band ending the yearn for 90s garage rock, U would’ve done the exact same thing.
her performance was hypnotizing. both unpleasant n phenomenal. i imagine seeing pretty sick that day3 was on par with seeing hole live. our sloppy, controversial, n locally hated kween would always end up topless, shit talk ex boyfs, n yell for validation (so tru bestie). it was always unpredictable, yet everything expected from an addict who accessorizes with a guitar.
without a doubt, courtney is an inspiration for sabrina n every other adult teenage girl. she’s mentioned the smashing pumpkins as an influence before, used the pretty on the inside font4, n wrote allen street as a revamped malibu. she even shares the same throaty vocals as courtney n we love her for it!
we love the perfectly tortured, absolutely messy, yet beautiful girly rockstar with a tasteful discography. in the past its been alice glass, karen o (circa early yeah yeah yeahs when she’d hurt herself on stage every night from being drunk as fuck), katiejane garside, nancy spungen5, sky ferreira, etc etc etc. there’s jus somethin abt hot messes we cant get enough of...!
mayb its bc were addicted to drama when its not abt us, mayb its bc we live our hedonistic dreams vicariously thru them, or mayb its bc we have a fucked up idea of what real artists look like.
we romanticize looking back at them, impress by their chaotic energy n Tru Rock N Roll-ness. we mistake their calls for help (ie emo af lyrics, experimenting w drugs, binge drinking, creating an aesthetic around their lack of hygiene, etc etc) as a Good Performance. we see it as jus girly things! not mental illness n addiction at play.6 we want to b them, but only from far away.
when the veil between perfectly tortured, absolutely messy, yet beautiful girly rockstar n Real Life Girl comes undone, we become disturbed. once we first hand see it, we get a bit worrisome. girls shouldn’t behave this way…! BUT! we never get worried enough to actually help. they’re our entertainers after all, n we were the ones who told them it was cool.
N TBH…. i do think its cool! i eat this shit up! i love the perfectly tortured, absolutely messy, yet beautiful girly rockstar! i always will!
but is there a way to be such without hurting urself? if there weren’t any drugs or alcohol or self harm involved, would we still love her? if she didnt sing abt her depression, would we still think her songs were good?
we love Her as a persona, an idea, an aesthetic! the sadder, the better! the messier, the better! the perfectly tortured, absolutely messy, yet beautiful girly rockstar experienced the same girlhood everyone on tumblr 2014 did n turned it into art! but she’s more than a boring singer-songwriter bc her music is actually good! yet she stays soft n fragile n feminine in the big, male-dominated league! she’s able to make something she loves while wearing her pain on her sleeve! she’s doing what we all wish we could do but never could bc we aren’t skinny, pretty, n white!
so seeing Her turn her (but actually our Own) frustration n melancholic feelings becomes cathartic! we feel seen when we sing, scream, n dance along. sometimes that isn’t enough n thats why we spend hours reblogging photos, watching tutorials, dissecting their fashion choices, n creating similar music. we hope becoming like them will set us free.7
but u cant become them without indulging in our negative/self-sabotaging tendencies...which brings us back to sabrina! she already constantly gets compared to courtney, but to prove herself as something more than a copy she had to forage her own drunken messiness. n like i said before, i dont blame her! ive done my fair share without being a rockstar so who knows how i would be if i was in her place, im assuming a lot worse…! (/.\)
on the contrary, i hate how much i love her… shh….
im not sure if all of the shows r like this or if it was a special one
which i have stolen too but thats besides the point!!!!!
yes i kno she’s not a rockstar herself, but she dated sid fucking vicious. she counts n i won’t explain further.
wha if….. they r the same…… ha ha ha`
plus we cant deny there’s something absolutely sexy abt dark, edgy feminine energy