do you create when youre inspired or motivated?
the ideal answer is both. the romantic Artist answer is overwhelming inspiration. unfortunately for me, its motivation and yet im hardly ever motivated…!
still riding with the ~new year, new me~ mindset and figuring out what exactly i want to write or even do (literally after i made a whole post about how i want to stop thinking about my online image i was thinking about rebranding myself as an influencer 🤦♀️), ive been trying to tap into that capital a artist process.
my first goal is to learn more about capital f fashion, historically and critically. i started reading fashion criticism: an anthology put together by francesca granata and listening to early dressed episodes as i wait for the new season of articles of interest. one day i read on linkedin someone was jia toleninto’s research assistant so now i daydream about being avery truffelman’s research assistant. i think it sounds like the perfect job but my boyf thinks i would hate it. sometimes he knows me better than myself, love is often annoying like that.
what i do know though is that im really good at getting high and watching shitty(?) girly movies. mostly i pull from this list. although it is my favorite past time atm, i feel guilty about not using that time on something productive instead. blah blah capitalism has ruined me blah. im trying to get high n watch fashion shows instead. at least ill learn something if i can actually remember it! sounds perfect in theory but ive only done it twice so far. the first time i fell asleep, you know indacouch and all dat. the second time i was like lowkey this is long as fuck! it was probably only like twenty minutes tops but time is eternal when youre high.
im a miu miu meets dilara findikoglu girly OBVI, but i watched vivienne westwood, alexander mcqueen, and yohji yamamoto — all late 90s btw — because dont kill me but i have like zero fashion knowledge LOL. thats the real reason why i havent became a super sexy fashion blogger yet. thats the thing about me, i want and want and want but dont actually DO. i think thats called uhhhhh mental illness <3
ive also been heavily stalking the style rookie archive too. theres just something inherently special about girls uploading ootds on blogspot and something inherently sexy about a bare-bones website layout. reading friends blogs and leaving comments is very intimate and wholesome too, even if its uploaded online for the world to see. i used to do it a bit back when i had my first blog and i wish i didnt take that for granted — only really commenting to self promo. i have a few writer friends, but tbh im more tapped into the diy bushgaze music scene because of my boyfriend and friends. i go to shows and everyones like do u play and im like no i write and then everyones like oh cool can u write about my band and im like i love u but no ;* i also just think its cunty that this little teenager name drops petra collins casually. i did this with petra, petra took this picture, me and petra. bitch i wish!
in the same manner, im trying to listen to ~classic~ music. you know sonic youth, radiohead, nirvana, joy divison, etc. its kinda hilarious because im an editor for a music blog and have done quite a bit of music journalism while only listening to shoegaze, burger adjacent acts, and like tumblr soft grunge. its actually hilarious because i made fun of my boyfriend for liking this straight boy music and refused to listen because im supposed to be the one with Taste. and its really hilarious because i did the same shit with my ex and then got rly into 2010s emo pop punk or whatever you want to call it after we broke up. i guess white boys sometimes do go off!
most times i feel bad that im behind on finding my inspirations. even my younger sibling who used to tap into everything *i* was into has found their own references, style, likes, etc. and an actual dignified one at that! ♡‧º·(˃̣̣̥o˂̣̣̥)‧º· i spent my entire teenage life on the internet but wtf was i doing! spent too much time trying to be an aesthetic ig account i guess 😭! but mayb that means ill hit my prime later which is actually kinda chic. thirty, flity, thriving……..
the girl w the wickedest humor….emphasis on wicked ❤️🔥