i still own the same clothes i wore in high school although i never wear them anymore. they’re too small, but i keep them jus in case. there may b a time i need a skirt that won’t fit over my fat (like its really huge in a sexy way i swear) ass. i brought them across the country with me, packing them from dorm to dorm to apartment to apartment. most of them have been sitting in a box since september 1st. i put off opening the box because i swore our new apartment didn’t have enough room (im living w my boyf now n we split the closet). i think i made that up because I actually knew i would have to get rid of them (boyf only fills up like an eighth of our closet).
but today my boyf made me, the box was taking up too much space in the studio1. every item pulled out was a visit from past maddis. bodysuits, pinks, high waisted, shit stolen from my ex. i knew exactly when each piece was my favorite. i remembered being sixteen and buying the sofia bodysuit in every color. i remembered the urban outfitter tops i wore during freshman year of college. i remembered using the deadpool shirt my ex gave me as a cum rag with someone else. and i didnt want to let any of that go.
mayb its my cancer rising that makes me a softie, but i always get nostalgic about these things. i think i used 2 b happier back then although i was probably crazier because it was 1. pre lexapro n 2. pre therapy n overall v embarrassing time of my life.
or even more important, i was hotter during those times because i was a size 24. im still not even much bigger if im being completely honest with myself, but i feel ugly fat n stupid.2 the worst part was then that i had to actually try on all the clothes to make sure they don’t fit. n they didnt. my tiny dresses were even tinier n basically tshirts. my tiny shirts were riding up my boobs n not in a sexy way. my jeans couldnt get past my thighs.
i kno its bc now im 23 n have a ~woman~ body blah blah blah wah wah wah but i HATE it. everything else already went downhill, why did this have to, too? my body was the one thing i actually liked or at least didnt have any issues with. why couldn’t the world jus let me have that going for me? now they r forcing me to work for it?!??!! like actually go to the….. gym and stop eating sugar… i jus can’t do it.
there’s no real conclusion besides the fact that now i have room to buy new clothes *praying emoji* but now i need even more money for that. *cough cough* send it babez
xoxooxoxo
the third room where boyf keeps music tingz n random shit we don’t want to see
yes i kno there’s nothing wrong w being fat but lemme pull an hrh n cry abt it bc its My blog n GTFO if u don’t like it